To be special

"i don't like to not be 'special' for someone i have sex [with]"

That was Wolfgang in his typical indirect double-negative way, talking about Alt#6 a while ago.

I always knew that each relationship is different, because the pairing is different, particularly in open relationships. Each partner is different, so the dynamic is different.

However, in a world of cookie-cutter parts, we all tend to look alike and move alike.  The differences are not in how our avatars look or move; the differences are in what we -- the puppeteers -- say and do.



Even with the admittedly large number of relationships I've had in SL, I've always tried to differentiate each lover. A different term of endearment, a different way of saying "I love you," a different "nest," a different shared activity. In that way, I make each one special, at least until the relationship ends.

One French lover used to say, "Bisou, bisou."  Another French lover says, "Je t'embrasse."  I called one Spanish lover "carinyo" and another "querido."  With one lover, I shared a NY skyloft. With another, a tree house on a floating island.  With another, an antique ship.  With yet another, an ornate pavilion inside a globe with an elephant in the room, which he, of course, ignored.  ;)

There are many ways to say "I love you" and there are many ways to express it wordlessly.  And there are many ways to make a relationship special and unique.  If you remember to differentiate.

During one serious argument with Wolfgang, I suggested that maybe we should just be friends, because I was afraid that we would violently argue one day and we'd lose contact entirely.  To my surprise, my suggestion angered him even more.  The reason was that he knows that I don't make an effort to maintain my friendships.  I pretty much leave encounters to chance or the other person's efforts, and I don't stay for long conversations.  (There's an unfortunate reason for that.)  On the other hand, I would willingly lose sleep for a lover and I do.

In my earlier years in SL, the only difference between a friend and a lover was that I had sex with a lover.  These days, there are many more differences, because, not only do I have to differentiate between a lover and friend, I also have to differentiate among my different lovers, past and present.  It is how I honor my relationship with each of them.  By keeping them unique in some way.  By keeping them special.

That, however, does not guarantee that I remain special to them.

Like Wolfgang, I don't like to not be special in a lover's life.  But, as he also often says, sometimes it is what it is.

Homesick for no where, no when, no whom

In January 2004, I wrote this in my real-life blog:

Once in a while, I'd yearn for places that I've once called home. But they are no longer there. The physical places are still there, but they are changed somehow. Or perhaps I am changed somehow. Home is not a place; it is the atmosphere of the place, its ambience, its essence. It may even be a character, a way of being, a state of mind. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder; home is in the eye of the homesick.

Sometimes, I even miss places that I have never been to. Places that only exist in my mind. Places created when I read a book.

I missed one such place a long time ago. The book was "Legend of Lost Earth" by G. McDonald Wallis. It's one of those pocketbooks that had a second novel in the back. I read it in my late teens from my mom's bookcase. Years later, after I had gotten married and moved a continent away, I started missing that place described in the book, the characters, their emotions, their struggles. There was a hole in my heart for that place. At the time, I couldn't even remember the name of the book so I couldn't ask my mom to send it. Then one time, after I moved back near her, she sorted some books to give away, and this book was on that pile. You can't imagine the joy I had on finding it again! It was like getting reunited with a dear old friend.

I feel that homesickness again.  I've felt it many times before, each time just as strongly.  But it isn't homesickness for the book.  It's not a homesickness for a place.  It's not a homesickness for anyone.  It's not even a homesickness for a time in the past.  It's a homesickness for everything in the past.

A few days ago, I found out that both Spaceport Alpha and Spaceport Bravo, sims of the International Spaceflight Museum, are gone.  I contacted Paradox Olbers to confirm that the sims were really gone. He said they were working on it, but it doesn't look good.

About 80% of the places in Second Life that held memories for me are gone.  About 95% of the people in Second Life that meant something to me are gone.

Maybe it's because I had to let Holstein go yesterday.  He had reconciled with his real-life long-term partner the previous night.

Maybe it's because I'm sifting through old chat logs for the book and remembering past loves.  It's all a blur now.  Memories are blending into each other.

I don't know what I want anymore.  I don't know what place I'm homesick for anymore.  I don't know which lover I'm missing anymore.

The ache I feel is for all of them.  It hurts like hell.

And my heart is weary.

Turning five, ... and the romance of Scrum

I started writing this blog entry and forgot all about it. No, it's not the age thing; it's the long to-do list thing. After my rez day party, I started immediately on a project And, now, I have a couple of things I want to talk about, so, you -- my dear readers -- get a two-for-one deal.

Five

I turned five a week ago.

Anyway, the last time I threw a party was on my first rez day anniversary. The following years, I just created gifts for friends. But, since it's the fifth year, I figured it was time for another bash.

Before the party, I was very nervous. Everything was planned at the last minute. I contacted musicians only in the past couple of weeks, and I built the venue only that morning. I got my nephew to perform at the first hour, but we had to do it using the voice channel, because we couldn't figure out how to set up the stream. Capos Calderwood performed in the second hour, and I am incredibly grateful that he never says "no" to me. :) I had asked TallGuy as well but he couldn't make it because of a planned long-distance trip early the next morning. I also asked a couple of DJs but both had RL commitments. *sigh* I should have planned much sooner, but there were too many other things to worry about.

But this feels like a turning point, you know? It's like turning 50. Like having a midlife crisis.

I still have the uncanny thing about things in August changing my life. Lots have happened this past August. And I'm sure their effects are going to reverberate throughout my life.

"Sometimes you cannot believe what you see, you have to believe what you feel. And if you are ever going to have other people trust you, you must feel that you can trust them, too -- even when you're in the dark. Even when you're falling."

~ Morrie Schwartz, from "Tuesdays with Morrie" by Mitch Albom

Agile relationships

After my breakup with 6969, I was chatting with Lucky Bastard and we talked about what I really want. I said that I have nothing against a long-term relationship in real life; I just don't want to commit. I have an issue with the "till death do us part" when we know damn well that the odds of keeping that promise are against us. Even worse for second marriages.

He gave me permission to quote him, so...

[2011-08-29 15:18:28] LB: you do want commitment?
[2011-08-29 15:19:07] Opal Lei: What I want is for someone to choose to be with me, with or without commitment, for the rest of my life.
[2011-08-29 15:19:30] Opal Lei: And for him to CHOOSE to be with me each day.
[2011-08-29 15:19:44] Opal Lei: Not just be forced to be with me.
[2011-08-29 15:19:51] LB: but that is commitment
[2011-08-29 15:19:55] Opal Lei: No.
[2011-08-29 15:20:03] Opal Lei: Because he could change his mind one day.
[2011-08-29 15:20:24] Opal Lei: And when he does, he's free to go.
[2011-08-29 15:20:38] Opal Lei: Of course, the same goes from my side.
[2011-08-29 15:20:48] LB: but in the same sentence you say for the rest of the life
[2011-08-29 15:21:00] Opal Lei: that would be nice, but not required.
[2011-08-29 15:21:07] Opal Lei: the *required* is the key difference.
[2011-08-29 15:21:55] LB: i see that as a commitment
[2011-08-29 15:22:06] Opal Lei: Even without the promise?
[2011-08-29 15:22:30] LB: it is my perspective
[2011-08-29 15:22:44] Opal Lei nods
[2011-08-29 15:23:59] Opal Lei: I see the difference between staying with someone voluntarily and being forced to stay with someone simply because of a promise made.
[2011-08-29 15:24:56] LB: "And for him to CHOOSE to be with me each day"...that is a commitment that i will be here each day
[2011-08-29 15:25:06] Opal Lei: No.
[2011-08-29 15:25:15] Opal Lei: Everyday, he has to choose to be with me or not.
[2011-08-29 15:25:17] LB: i am not looking at it personally
[2011-08-29 15:25:24] Opal Lei smiles.
[2011-08-29 15:25:58] Opal Lei: Everyday, there's a choice to be made.
[2011-08-29 15:26:08] Opal Lei: As opposed to making the choice once.
[2011-08-29 15:26:44] LB: you are shrinking the delta to one day
[2011-08-29 15:26:50] Opal Lei: Yes
[2011-08-29 15:26:56] Opal Lei: Short-term commitment. :D
[2011-08-29 15:27:02] LB: it sounds more like one night stand
[2011-08-29 15:27:17] Opal Lei: Not if you make the same choice for many days.
[2011-08-29 15:27:44] LB: then it is repetitive commitment
[2011-08-29 15:27:55] Opal Lei: Well, I guess that's a good name for it. :)
[2011-08-29 15:28:06] LB: agile..lmao
[2011-08-29 15:28:11] Opal Lei: lol
[2011-08-29 15:28:43] LB: Agile Relationship
[2011-08-29 15:28:47] Opal Lei: LOL

So, there. That's what I want... an Agile relationship... a Scrum relationship. :D

Gotta love nerds and their sense of humor. :D

Choices

For someone who is not religious, I have a lot of beliefs, most of which are not particularly mainstream either.

And two of them come into play these days....

1.
Many years ago, my youngest sister recommended the book "Journey of Souls" by Michael Newton. I don't remember why she did. It was the only new age book she ever recommended to me.

The theory of the book is that our souls belong to soul groups or soul families that keep reincarnating together. (Of course, this assumes that one believes in souls and reincarnation.) The roles and gender may change, but the connection remains. Before we come back to earth for a new life, we make mutual contracts with other souls in our soul group to help us learn whatever lesson we choose to learn in that lifetime. And there would be something, maybe even seemingly innocuous, that would help our soul recognize that other soul. When the contract is fulfilled, we then part ways until the next lifetime.

If that theory is true, I've come up with a corollary to it.

I believe that, when we are attracted to someone, it's because our soul is recognizing one of those souls that we have a contract with. And when we fall in love, we aren't falling in love with that person for the first time. We have loved them from eternity, and we will continue to love them till eternity. Falling in love is just a remembering of that eternal love.


2.
I also believe in synchronicity, in fate, in predetermination. We *perceive* free will only at a certain level. It's just like how we perceive solids to be impenetrable, when we know that there are huge spaces between the atomic particles. Or just like how we perceive our individuality, our separation from each other. I would even argue that the choices we think we're making in the name of free will is predetermined. It's just another effect after a long string of causes. Or maybe a web of causes.

Some of those causes may be psychological because of some past experience; some may be contextual because of the current situation. Sometimes, we might not even be aware of what those causes are. But, ultimately, fate narrows our choices to one, long before we have to make the decision.


Many people could not grasp the idea that I could honestly and deeply love more than one man at a time. Actually, it was a man who questioned it. The idea of monogamy -- or, more specifically, serial monogamy -- has been so ingrained in our culture. People understand having multiple sexual partners, but they cannot understand multiple romantic relationships.

How can you love just one child if you have several, I asked him. He said, this was different; this was a romantic relationship.

But, in some cases, it isn't just a romantic relationship. Or a romantic-and-sexual relationship. In some cases, it's a spiritual relationship, manifesting as a romantic relationship in this lifetime and expressed as a sexual relationship.

And I don't love them as a group, as a celebrity would love their fans as a group. I deeply love each of them individually and differently. Because each of them is different. And the dynamic of each relationship is different.

Loving one child does not diminish our love for another child. Love for one parent does not diminish our love for another parent. Love for one sibling does not diminish our love for another sibling. Love for one friend does not diminish our love for another friend.

Love as an emotion is not a zero-sum game. However, a lifetime is. And so we prioritize and make choices. And the mores of this society demand that we commit to only one mate at a time.


Most of my lovers are married in real life. There was no way the relationship was going outside of Second Life, although I tried once. One unmarried lover admitted he didn't really love the real me.

So I was left with one choice. We had so much synchronicity in our real lives that I thought he would be it. There were so many near-misses -- opportunities where we could have met, but we didn't. And synchronously, we met after his divorce, when we were both free. But his work took him away so often that I rarely heard from him. But the times when I did were so sweet.

The door was only slightly ajar, just enough for me to peek in, but not enough to let me through, though I've tried to push my way in. I had hoped that one day synchronicity would fully open it for me. After all, synchronicity brought us this far, so I figured it was just a matter of time.

Then I met 6969, and another door opened. And it opened wide. The intensity of his emotions created a vortex that was very hard to resist. Even with all my BUT's. It wasn't the future I imagined I would have. After all, I had given up the dreams of my youth. But there it was. He had answers to all my objections.

Fate narrows our choices to one.


But I am also aware that fate is fickle.


6969 wants forever. From this earthly perspective, there is no forever. But, from a higher perspective, he already has that. From a higher perspective, I love him from eternity until eternity.

The good news is that, from this earthly perspective, there is exclusivity and I give him that. From a higher perspective, there is none. I have met many soulmates in this lifetime before I met him, and I love each of them from eternity until eternity.

And from an even higher perspective, there is no concept of exclusivity at all. Because, from that perspective, there is no "other" to be exclusive with.

"RL takes precedence"

When someone says "RL takes precedence," what they really mean is that you're not important. To them, you're just a doll that they take down from the shelf to play with when they feel like it, then they put you back up on the shelf when they're done.

Of course, they don't like it when you treat them the same way, because, well, *they* are important.

But that's just the way things are. *We* and *ours* are important to ourselves. And everybody else is chopped liver. And we assign greater value to things that are tangible, or at least things that *seem* tangible to us. Except it's too arrogant to admit that, so people just say, "RL takes precedence."

I've never said "RL takes precedence." But if the occasion arises, I hope that I'd be courageously honest enough to say, "I'm sorry, you're not that important to me. Cutting my toenails in RL takes precedence over you in SL."

Benchmarking beauty

Noni Abeyante asked the MODA Spotlight models to create a comp card. I didn't know there was such a thing until now. Apparently, it's like a mini-portfolio / business card for models.

Anyway, after looking at several examples on the web, I came up with this, which is laid out more like a magazine spread.



The hardest part of the process is choosing which pictures to include, even after limiting my choices to the ones where I'm wearing my current skin.

And the paradigm shift of the day is when I looked at old pictures and think, "Oh, my god, I'm so ugly!" even where I thought I looked drop-dead gorgeous when the picture was taken. This is the exact opposite of my reaction when I look at my old RL pictures and realize that I didn't look as bad as I thought when I was younger.

And I've come to the realization that, not only do we not own our beauty as Black says, but our perception of beauty changes, depending on who we are at that point in time. And, maybe, it is also influenced by how much control we have in how we look.

If ne'er the twain shall meet,...

Here's my question....

A lot of people say that SL is SL and RL is RL and "ne'er the twain shall meet."

Well, in SL, my alts are different people. And the only link among them is the human behind the avatar, and that human is in RL.

So, if SL is SL, then they should think of my alts as separate individuals, and they shouldn't care if my alts have other lovers.

Correct?

*grins*

Gifted

I have a gift.

My gift is that I help men realize how wonderful their current or past partners/girlfriends/wives are. After having an affair with me, no matter how short or long the affair was, they decide to return to their partners/girlfriends/wives.

I've been close to 100% successful in bringing couples back together. What marriage counselor could make that claim?

Yesterday, I had another of those success stories. He chose to go back to an old flame.

I should advertise. "Did your lover leave you? Has your relationship soured? Want him back? ... Send him to Opal Lei for an affair and he'll come running back to you! ... Guaranteed results!"

Fairy tales

Each of us, deep in our psyches, have our personal fairy tale story. Maybe we dream of the prince who rescues us from dragons or evil stepmothers or a sleeping spell. Or even an ordinary man who saves us from everyday loneliness.

Well, princes have their fairy tales too. They dream of beautiful princesses or pretty damsels in distress or mysterious gypsies or shimmying bellydancers. Or even an ordinary woman who saves them from everyday loneliness.

Maybe, all we're looking for -- when we walk into dance halls and meeting places -- is someone to play the part of that prince or that princess.

And the details don't matter. One can easily change one's avatar after all to match the other person's ideal. Just act the part and everything will be fine. And if you find one who can't act the part, find another.

We're nothing but replaceable actors in a world of fairy tales.

Maybe love is an aspect of how well someone fits into our personal fairy tale. Maybe love doesn't really exist outside a fairy tale.


I didn't fit as the heroine in his fairy tale. He found one who does. He marries her on Wednesday. With HiHo to stand by his side as his best man. Supporting actor.

Surprisingly, I feel at peace. In pain, but at peace. I wanted more than a fairy tale after all.

Time and time again

As I lived in Second Life, I've learned that time is the greatest commodity, even in a virtual world. It's what makes virtual life very real. You can have a virtual body, virtual clothes, a virtual home with virtual furniture, a virtual car or helicopter or yacht. You can separate your virtual friends from your real friends, your virtual relationships from your real relationships. You can earn virtual money in a virtual company producing virtual products made out of virtual materials. But there is no such thing as virtual time.

Virtual time is real time.

Time is eternal, but our lifetimes are not. There's only so much we can do in a lifetime and there are many demands on our time. We give time to what is important to us. Likewise, we are given time if we are important to someone else.

Time and priorities. That's all it's about.

Intuitively, I have always known this. I've always felt overwhelmed when a man sacrifices sleep several nights in a row just to spend a few more hours dancing with me, when a man misses his plane to an important client meeting the next morning because he lost track of time chatting with me, when a man parks his avatar next to mine and occasionally says something sweet just so he could feel my presence even while he's working.

I was important enough to them, even if only briefly.

Maybe the true measure of a lover is not how much he loves someone or something. Maybe the true measure of a lover is how much time he allots for the object of his love.

Love, as an emotion, is not a zero-sum game. Love, as an aspect of time, is.

Not a zero-sum game

I haven't written much this year. Probably because this year has been the most stable for me; romantically, that is.

I met the Captain in February, neither of us thought we'd be together this long, neither of us wanting a serious relationship. It was supposed to be just casual -- "amics amb dret a cuixa", friends with privileges -- but the emotions ran deep. He truly has been my anchor. I hear from him infrequently now; I see him even less. But we both know each other in real life now, and I feel great joy knowing that he loves me and that the friendship is real.

Meanwhile, I've taken other lovers who came, stayed a while, and faded away. Would the secondary relationships have developed if I didn't have the Captain? Probably not. However, I think the Captain gave me some insulation from the ups and downs of other relationships as they came and went. Something similar to the safety net that married people have when having affairs in SL.

But I received more blessings than that. Former lovers and flirting friends -- the few who never officially became lovers -- surprised me with how deeply they cared.

If I have realized anything this past year, it is that the more freedom we have to love, the greater becomes our capacity to love and be loved. These men have showed me that. When love is not bound, it multiplies.

Love is not a zero-sum game.

The question now becomes: Could I be bound to just one man again after I've experienced this?

Pruning the tree

In all my Second Life, I have not deleted a friend. Well, okay, I deleted one jerk. But in more than three years, I made it a policy to never delete a friend from my list. Until today.

I started out with almost 300 people in my friends list. And that probably would have been many more if it weren't for other people deleting me from their own lists, or for people canceling their accounts.

But, lately, I've been betrayed, I've been lied to, I've been taken advantage of. With friends like that, who needs enemies? So, today, I'm cleaning up my list. Granted, those are in a very small minority, but there are so many in my list that I've only spoken with once two years ago, and more than half don't even log in anymore. So I'll be clearing those out too.

The only ones that will stay in my friends list are those I have a strong connection with and who have a positive impact in my life, as well as business connections. If I have a doubt whether to leave someone in or let them go, I'll leave them in for now.

I am also going to start a policy of not accepting friendships until I've encountered the person at least twice. If people need to keep track of me, I'll give them my card.

If you're one of the people trimmed off, you can still find me through search. But if you feel bad about it, I'm afraid I can't take responsibility for that. I'm responsible for taking you off the list, but you're responsible for how you feel about it.

They say that, if you want big sweet and juicy fruits, you prune the tree. I'm pruning this tree.

Time... and, again, ...

A old friend (with privileges) blurted something out today that stunned me. Well, what he said didn't stun me. The fact that it sounded like a complaint stunned me. It was a comment about me wanting a lot of time.

I only ask for two things from lovers -- their time and brutal honesty.

The men who strike a chord in me are the ones who wish they could spend more time with me but couldn't. The ones who frustrate me the most are the ones who refuse to spend more time with me because they're on a schedule. The difference is very subtle. To the men in the first category, I am important enough in their lives that they consider the time they spend with me as precious. To the men in the second category, I'm just another appointment. Or worse, a time sink. And sometimes I wonder why they even bother to IM me in the first place.

The biggest compliment I've ever received from a man is when he told me he missed his plane because he was talking to me. He was supposed to take that flight to a very important meeting, and he had to rent a private plane to get there on time. But he had no regrets; he said talking to me was worth it. And we never had sex either; it was just regular conversation.

I realize that it really is less a matter of time and more a matter of prioritization. And I've read a quote in many profiles that said something like this: Do not give priority to someone for whom you are only an option.

*sigh*

/me trims her priority list.

Pulling out of the parking lot

A lot has happened in my life the past few months. It's not that I haven't had time to write or that I haven't had anything to write. It's just that the emotions have been too intense and jumbled that I couldn't write.

My recent affair had officially ended a couple of weeks ago for RL reasons. We expected the break up from the start, and the affair went on longer than we thought it would. But for some reason, the separation is much more painful and much more difficult to get over with than my usual short-term relationships. We continued to see each other when he could log in, but, a couple of days ago, he flatly refused to see me.

I understood. Continuing to see each other just prolongs the healing process. Except that the rejection was so damned painful....

I think I've changed. I think the flavor-of-the-month flings are not likely going to happen anymore. I think I'm ready to venture out of the parking lot now and try the side streets at a faster speed.

Everybody, out of the way! Crazy woman driving!

By the way, you might notice that I changed the layout of this blog to a more subdued green. I even changed the title of the blog; I've always wanted to use that pun somewhere. :)

Unattractive salmon

I think I've figured out the difference between married people and single people. It has to do with the safety net that Howard talks about, but not exactly like he saw it.

I think the safety net has a lot to do with self-confidence. Married people know that if they get rejected in SL, they're still loved for who they are irl. A virtual rejection is a small dent on their self-confidence.

On the other hand, single people have more of their self-confidence vested in SL relationships. And, being active in dating, they're more likely still feeling raw about a previous date, so their self-confidence takes a beating.

It's amazing that single people continue to go back for more beating. It must be that procreative instinct. So strong that it drives us to self-destruction, like salmon fighting the current and risking being a bear's meal, only to die in the end.

So, here's a question to you, dear readers. They say that it's the self-confidence that makes someone very attractive. Does that make married people more attractive than single people?

Safety nets

Howard and I had a brief conversation last month. Yeah, yeah, it takes me a while to process things now. If you noticed, I don't write much when I'm doing a lot of living. And that's precisely what I've been doing -- LIVING!

Anyway, this specific conversation started when Howard explained his view of SL romances. He said that his RL relationship "liberates me to go as far as I possible can imagine in SL." Because of that safety net, he is not afraid of relationship pains and rejections. Then he asked me what I viewed as my safety net since I don't have an RL relationship to fall back on when the going gets rough in SL.

Well, I used to have a safety net. Several of them, in fact. It's that porous membrane between SL and RL. It's my anonymity. It's the cricket.

Now, I have none.

However, precisely because of the absence of a safety net, I am learning to truly live. I am learning to let go of my expectations and enjoy every interaction. I am learning to be conscious of every emotion that passes through me and to allow those emotions to enrich my art, my writing, my singing, my life. I am learning to be fully aware *in* the moment.

Having experienced both sides of the line guarded by the cricket, I no longer live that part of my life based on rules I had accepted without question. I now consciously and knowledgeably make relationship decisions each day. And if I should make the wrong decision, then I willingly suffer the consequences, karmic or otherwise.

What could be more liberating than that?

This Thanksgiving, I am grateful for freedom of choice. Happy Thanksgiving.

When my cup runneth over

Howard asks when I would be back. I don't know how to answer that question.

As simple as it sounds, it really is a difficult question. It all harks back to the reasons I needed time away. I had come to a point where my Second Life as Opal is no longer nourishing my soul and is, in fact, becoming detrimental to my well-being.

When the physical body is wounded, all you have to do is nourish it so it would heal itself. The same goes with the emotional body. But I have tried to nourish myself by expressing my emotions, by spending time with friends, by burying myself in work. My emotional body would not heal. I had a distinct sense of murkiness and stagnation in my life.

I had to withdraw.

As social as I seem and as much as I love my friends, I am essentially a loner. I need a lot of time for introspection, and I have not had that for a long while.

I am also, by nature, fiercely independent. And yet, I find myself being emotionally dependent on others, and others being emotionally dependent on me. Those emotional dependencies feel like chains that bind. I need to relearn how to love without attachment. And I regret that those who love me are also forced to learn the same.

But I cannot give, if I myself am lacking. And what I lack must come from the only authentic Source deep within me.

When will I be back? When my cup runneth over again.

365.24

Three hundred sixty-five days. Oh, alright,... And a quarter.

365 days of laughter, of tears, of love, of friendships, of incredible conversations, of music, of art, of science, of dancing, of shopping, of hanging out, of exploring, of learning, of building, of scripting, and of blogging.

I have lived a full life sitting in my office chair.

Here's a toast to all my dear friends, to all my sweet lovers, to every soul that touched mine, to every creative spirit that made Second Life what it was in the past year and what it will be in the following years.

Here's to another 365 days (and a quarter) of laughter, of tears, of love, of friendships, of incredible conversations, of music, of art, of science, of dancing, of shopping, of hanging out, of exploring, of learning, of building, of scripting, of blogging, and whatever else I discover in this world.

I can honestly say, I have never truly lived until I lived in Second Life.

And isn't it ironic?

Proximity by proxy

Lora sold a vanity to a man yesterday. And I wondered why a man would buy a vanity if not for a woman in his life. But he asked Lora for a copy/notransfer version of the cosmetics so that he could put them on a temp-rezzer. So, that meant that he wasn't planning to give the vanity to anyone, but he was installing it in his home for someone.

In SL, there is no such thing as community property, except for land deeded to a group. So, it's as though this man was saying to his sweetheart, "What's mine is yours." In essence, the home and everything in it belongs to both of them even though it might be just in his name. Kinda like some marriages in real life.

It's not so much the monetary value of the object. For something that costs a few US dollars, it's not worth fighting over who gets what in case they part ways. But what struck me was the symbolism of the gesture and how powerful that is.

I met couples who build homes together in SL because they could not in real life. I know a young military man who is deployed in Asia and who once bought a home in SL for himself and his sweetheart, who is in the US. I met a couple from the opposite coasts of Australia who live together in SL.

SL bridges the physical distance. It satisfies an emotional need for closeness, the same emotional need that prompts us to move in with a lover in real life and build a life together. Even though the house and the furnishings are virtual, it soothes the heart of the ache of the physical distance. The sense of closeness is still there. Proximity by proxy.

Sunrise in Aglia

I remember the first time I was aware of the sunrise in Second Life. I was only a few days old. I had purchased my land on the hillside in Aglia and I had just built my home over the Labor Day weekend. It was just after midnight SLT and I was about to log off, when my lover logged in. The sun was rising where he was, just as the sun was rising in SL.

It was an innocent time. A time when we were preoccupied with figuring out how to take a bed out of a box and how to position it. A time when my Friends List had only a few people. A time when SL seemed incredibly huge. A time when each day brought a sense of wonder and amazement in this new magical world. A time before Xcite. A time before sex balls. A time before heartbreaks.

As I approach the first anniversary of my rez day, I sit again by my pond and watch the sunrise and remember.

There was a time when going into people's virtual yards felt like trespassing. A time when I wondered what was down in the valley. A time when I was curious about the people who built these structures. Now that I know every piece of land in my sim, now that I know the layout of the valley like the back of my hand, Aglia feels small and crowded. The view of the valley has different meaning now.

Now that I know how to build, how to script, how to create animations, how to make clothes, how to create sculptie textures, -- now that I know how things work -- very few things amaze me anymore. And I wonder. Could I bring the magic back? Could I still experience that sense of wonder and amazement? Could I still see SL through the eyes of a newbie?

Blessed are the newbies, for they have a time full of magic and wonder and amazement ahead of them.