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Fifteen

Who knew I would last in Second Life this long? When I first started in SL, I figured I'd stay a couple of hours. That's a very long couple of hours. :) Wolfgang and I got back together earlier this year. For a few months. But, as I said, a lot has happened in real life. And I couldn't justify losing sleep for a relationship that keeps me an arm's length away. I had to take care of me. Alone. We never stopped communicating by email, and we're starting again to see each other inworld, but rarely. The friendship is still there. And he keeps his promise to never leave me no matter what happens between us. I did not move to Washington State as I had planned last year. A lot has happened that caused my moved to be postponed several times. But I finally moved back to the Pacific Northwest late last month. Just across the Columbia River. That's this year's almost-August significant change in my life. :) Life feels lighter at the moment. However, there has

Fourteen +

I just realized that I forgot to write a post for my 14th rez day! It just came and went. That's why the title of this post has a "+" in it. :) But, as usual, August brings changes to my life. This time, to my real life. In August, I got approval to work remotely permanently, so I'm moving back to Washington State. California is my family's home, but it feels like Washington State is my soul's home. For some reason, just the planning of the move already wakes up my muse. I'm getting so many creative ideas! Not just for SL, but also for real-life projects. In fact, I'm relearning Blender (for the umpteenth time). Hopefully, it will be productive this time. Earlier this year, I let Wolfgang go after I realized that the relationship will never be balanced. I was surprised that it affected him much more than I expected. We remain good friends; we still share news by email, he still tries to seduce me, but we don't meet anymore. I still adore h

Tears for the past

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"Paradox Olbers, former ISM President, passed away on 13 November, 2019." Kat Lemieux, founder and current president of the International Spaceflight Museum, sent me an IM today to tell me the news and to ask if I had made a Morphing Portrait for Para and if I wanted to create a memorial for him. I saw her message as a notification from GMail as I was getting ready to leave work in the evening. I cried in the dark night as I walked to my car. And I don't know why. I didn't have a close friendship with Para, but I worked closely with him when we were both active in the museum. It was a distant but warm professional friendship. When he took over the ISM, I was amazed at how he was able to keep it afloat financially, using his connections with donors and supporters. But grief is a selfish emotion, and I knew that my tears were more for me than for him, although I am terribly sad that he is gone. My last two years have been very difficult, particularly this pas

Thirteen

Again, August proves to be life-changing. Real life has a big influence this time. My mother passed away on August 11 this year. Caring for her was a big part of my life in the past seven and a half years. And now, that responsibility has been lifted from my shoulders. I've been alone before, but now the aloneness feels different. In the past, it always felt like an adventure, an assertion of my independence. This time, I'm not sure how it feels. At least, not yet. It feels quiet. It feels peaceful. It feels like I could breathe again. It feels zen-like. I am more in the moment. I have more patience about the few minutes that it takes to do something simple and mundane. I stopped rushing. I've spent less and less time in Second Life the past few years because of the real-life demands on my time, including my own health and job issues. I still don't have the luxury of time as I did when I first started SL, but now I have a little bit more. But is that enough? A

Twelve years

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When I was twelve years old in real life, my body started that biological monthly "ritual" that differentiated a child from a young woman. I had already started wearing a bra several months before that. Opal is twelve years old today. There are no physical or virtual manifestations of changes due to her age, besides the continual updates in technology (her avatar is almost entirely in mesh now) and a meaningful shift in her coloring (which has nothing to do with her age). In 2006, I started with fair skin and red hair. On my first day, I shaped her face into the one that I had been drawing since I learned to draw as a child. And I gave her fiery hair because I used to imagine that I was a feisty Irish woman in a previous life. I tried different skin and hair colors through the years, especially during my virtual fashion model phase. I had tan skin and black hair at one point, then I realized too many models had that look, and I wanted to look different, so I kept the

Comfort dance

Relationships are difficult. Memories are comforting. Today, I indulged in a memory. Because I needed comfort. Because I needed to remember someone who thought that it was impossible to stop anyone from falling in love with me. He was wrong, of course, but, once a year, I pretend he's right. Till next year.

Birthday doppelganger

"Aha !" was how he titled his email. Your bday gift is got ! You'll have to tell me when you'll wish to receive it ;)  And I initially thought, Hmmm, he bought another sex furniture?! At the designated time on Oct 1, my birthday gift said hello. I knew she was my gift because her username was very close to my real name. And that felt weird. Flashback to the Captain Many years ago, I was going to create an alt for the Captain to use in a BDSM roleplay with him. He said that doms typically named their subs. And when I asked him what he wanted me to name my new alt, he said my real name. I declined. I reasoned that it could make me lose my anonymity. He eventually gave me a different name but still related to my real name. So, when I realized that Wolfgang named my gift after me, I had mixed emotions. But there's more.... (By the way, during the first week of October, the Captain logged in after a long absence. And so did Rocky, also after a very lo