How Opal got her groove back

I didn't take him seriously. I still don't know if I can take him seriously.

He met Alt #11 at Frank's. He was one of three who IM'd me at about the same time, but he was the first to ask me to dance.

He wasn't even wearing a tux. When he finally changed (while we were dancing, btw), he still had sneakers on.

He thought Alt #11's name was "imaginative and beautiful". His 1st Life tab had pretty much everything about him, succinct but complete -- his RL first name, what he does, where he lives, his philosophy about SL ("RL = SL"), and the picture of a very good-looking and charming young man with a mischievous smile a la Hugh Grant. He's two whole decades my junior.

He taught me how to cuss in German. I teased him about his naughty name. (He explained the very innocent origin of the name, however. The numbers were his post code.)

"So, what brought you to SL?" I asked.

"well, I was interested in using it in the classroom initially, but now I've moved on to sex... ;-)" was his reply.

We joked, we laughed. He talked as though he were certain that we were going to have a relationship. I tried to convince him that he wouldn't want a relationship with me. And his responses were very insightful and very caring that they surprised me pleasantly. Many times I wondered if he was giving me lines I just hadn't heard before. Before the night ended, I talked to him on Skype, which showed his full real life name.

We weren't on Skype long before he suddenly logged off. He didn't come back and no communication for days. I got nervous. The most logical scenario that came to mind was that he was actually underage and he was caught by his sister having virtual sex, so he was grounded and not allowed on the computer for days. This was based on a couple of things he said about his house-sharing arrangement.

When he logged back in, he explained that they had a three-hour power outage and he just couldn't log back in since. I told him what I assumed happened and explained why. We were on Skype and, as he was trying to explain that what he had said was the truth, I heard something in his voice. I heard pain -- the pain of a child being falsely accused.

It was very brief. I don't think my conscious mind even picked it up; only my intuition. And I wasn't expecting that impression. I was too pissed and too nervous about the possibility that I almost had sex with someone who's underage. But there it was. And it came with a sense of certainty that he was, in fact, telling me the truth.

The next time we met, he crashed. Another time, he was interrupted and had to go. We saw each other maybe once or twice a week. I didn't think the affair would go anywhere.

But when he said he was falling for me, I figured I'd reveal my RL and "nip it in the bud." He laughed when I said that, but he was very kind when he saw my RL. So I figured we'd just be friends with privileges.

Then I went to Oakland, California to attend SLCC. My mind was occupied by the workshop I was giving at SLCC, but I had also emailed Rocky to see if I could meet him there. During the first few days, I had a strong sense of someone aching for me. I thought it was Rocky but I also sensed this new lover. So when he said that he missed me badly since I left, I believed him.

Early on, he asked if I had been partnered and I explained Alt #9's partnership. I added that I take partnerships seriously and that Opal will only be partnered if I'm engaged irl. The previous night, he talked about wanting to get me pregnant. Last night, he half-joked about preserving my honor by partnering with me first. I gave him Alt #23 for privacy, but he wants Opal, because he wants to be my lover publicly.

He said that I bewitched him, that I drive him mad. I don't know what I did to incite such passion. But it wasn't the first time either, which is why I worry. I broke a young man's heart before, and I worry that I'd have to do it again.

Until last night, I didn't think this affair would go anywhere. So I figured there was no point writing about him. But if the conversation is already going into partnerships, I'm sitting up and paying attention. But he agreed we have a lot to talk about first, before we even decide on partnering.

/me ponders whether to change her display name to "Demi".

(No, Liebling, your nickname won't be "sexgod" ... yet.)

"if i would be married in SL..."

"if i would be married in SL with somebody ... for sure that will be with you ..."

I have issues. Everybody who knows me already knows that. The problem is that my issues conflict with each other. You see, I've had abandonment issues since I was a toddler. And after my divorce, I developed this long-term-commitment phobia. Pull. Push.

All I wanted to do was to give the Captain a gift, so, yesterday, I took him to the A.I.Friends store so he can pick out a kitten that looks like his RL cat.

Then, out of the blue, he asked me how SL pregnancy works because one of his friends mentioned that she and her boyfriend are gonna go through the SL pregnancy thing. So, I explained how it's done.

I offered to show him the pregnancy clinics and some prim babies. He declined saying that he is already a parent irl and he doesn't need it in SL. But he added that, if I wanted to, he would. I was touched.

Then as we continued talking about why women would go through that with a prim baby, he suddenly said, "if i would be married in SL with somebody ... for sure that will be with you ...". This time, I was stunned.

I was speechless. This was more serious than the pregnancy offer. And I was confused in more ways than one.

First confusion, he allows me to have other lovers and I see a partnership as being exclusive. I would have thought that he'd ask for exclusivity first.

Second, I love the man dearly. I adore him. I admire him. He is incredibly good to me. But I take partnerships very seriously, even if it's only in SL. The only time I partnered, it was only symbolic, because that partnership agreement was limited only to those alts and we promptly put those alts to sleep.

I think the cricket started chirping very loudly at that point and that added to the confusion in my head.

The Captain sensed that I was getting nervous about the whole discussion. So, he clarified that, no, he wasn't proposing. But I had a feeling that, even if he wasn't proposing then, he was testing the waters.

To tell the truth, if he really really wanted a partnership, I'd likely say yes anyway and deal with my own issues later.

*sigh*

/me prepares to wrestle with the cricket again.