All in my mind

"The Train Has Left," said NicoleX Moonwall in this video.  When she sent out this video link to the MaMachinima group today, it brought back memories.

I associate some places with certain people.  I associate AM Radio's "Far and Away" with the first Young Monk.  I had gotten too emotionally involved; he didn't want a relationship.  So, almost a year ago, we said our final goodbyes.

Today, I was reminiscing and looked up his profile to see what I had written on it.  It's no longer in Search; he had deleted the account.

Soon, the wheat fields too would be gone.

Maybe that's a good thing.  When all traces of the affair are wiped out, maybe my mind would question if it really happened.

On the other hand, it was just all in my mind anyway.

Some say that the only thing that's real in the universe is our experience of it.  The transience of a virtual world painfully makes it even more obvious.

Non-attachment is a very difficult lesson to learn.

Black is back

There's a Zen koan that goes something like this:

An older monk and a young monk were on their way to a temple where they would spend the night. Along the way, they came upon a river that was swollen from heavy rains. On the river's edge stood a woman who was trying to figure out how to cross.

Now, monks are not allowed to touch a woman at all and the young monk thought that they would simply pass the woman. Instead, when the older monk realized the woman's dilemma, he said, "Come on, woman," and picked her up on his shoulders. The young monk was shocked at the older monk's actions but he chose not to say anything.

When they reached the other bank, the older monk set the woman down. She thanked them profusely and they all went their separate ways. When the monks were in sight of the temple at sundown, the young monk suddenly blurted out, "You... You touched that woman back there!"

It was the older monk's turn to be surprised. He replied, "I set her down a long time ago. Why are you still carrying her?"

I have two young monks who continue to carry my sex alt.

The first one would IM every month or two for more than a year now, even after I had thought we already said our goodbyes. I was getting him ready to meet Opal when he chose not to move forward. His reason: "Rivers always run." That was after I told him the Zen koan. Months later, he returned and said, "I had forgotten how good you are." Because I had succeeded in tempting him again. :)

The second one also said his goodbyes and came back several weeks later. He has now made it a point to check on me every Saturday.

Black, whom I had talked about in the past, goes in the opposite direction. Whereas most of my other lovers met my sex alt first, Black met my RL alt first. In spite of all the heavy sexual flirting, I haven't had sex with him -- yet. He was gone from SL for a long time, and he came back yesterday. In a different alt. He left because he "didn't want to be tempted by the SL distraction". I think he came back precisely because of the SL distraction.

I think he's my third young monk. But he decided to come back to the river so he could carry me across and, more importantly, so he could set me down on the other side. As friends with privileges, no exclusivity, and in roleplay to muffle the cricket.


(My young lover who wanted exclusivity also returned, still deeply in love with my voice. But he caught me at a busy time because of the faire so I'll have some catching up to do with him too. *sigh* I am blessed.)