I've become a liability

Lucky Bastard was gone for almost a week and I didn't know why. He hadn't been gone that long in the past without letting me know. I knew he was busy with work and I just assumed he didn't have time.

Unfortunately, during that time, I needed him, his presence. He always calmed me down and that is enough to help me get through what I needed to get through. Rare are the people who enable you simply with their presence.

When he came back, we had an ordinary conversation. I found out that he was on a business trip. Then we talked about SL. He asked how I was; he always did. I told him I was fine.

The next day, I sent him an email.

The week he was gone, I had been very emotional. In spite of the presence of other lovers, I had missed him specifically and strongly, and I don't know why. Many times, the tears flowed easily simply because I felt overwhelmed with the emotion. And it wasn't the emotion of missing him; it was the emotion of loving him. And it was that intense emotion of loving him that made me miss him, even though he wasn't gone that long.

I think I've come to that point where I want more and the "more" is out of reach. I told him that I'm toeing the line between SL and RL, but at the same time I don't want to ruin his RL.

I wrote these in the email. I told him of this delirious desire to merge with him. It wasn't a sexual desire, nor a romantic one. It was a spiritual desire.

And as I read what I wrote, I realized that, based on my belief system, I am already linked to him spiritually. And that eased my heart a bit. Enough to get some sleep.

That was five days ago. No response. And he hadn't logged into SL nor into Yahoo Chat since that email.

I don't blame him. I've become a liability.

Warm and fuzzy Gmok

I have a new boyfriend....

OMG, he's bigger than any of my boyfriends ever! Do you have any idea how that feels?!?

He has this charming mustache and bushy eyebrows. When I tickle him, he grunts. And he's just soooo warm and cuddly and fuzzy all over! I've never had a boyfriend quite like him!

*giggles*

His name is Gmok. And you can buy one of his brothers at Herbalys.

Overlapping lovers

My lovers are overlapping today.

First, let me talk about a new lover. I'll call him "Rocky" because, within a couple of months of each other, we both visited the "Garden of the Gods" in Colorado where there was a rock that seems to defy gravity.

We found that there are many other similarities in our lives. We were married in the same year (not to each other, of course). We lived in the same area. We worked in the same industry. My favorite dim sum restaurant is the exact same one as *his* favorite dim sum restaurant (and, no, it's not a chain). In all those chances of physically running into each other, we never met... until, one day, Alt #11 was wearing a gold gown and found someone wearing a suit with a vest in the same gold shade at Frank's. And I IM'd him because his profile made me think that he might be a fellow writer. That was late last year, but he disappeared for months and just came back. He's still rarely here. *sighs*


Anyway, first story: October2006 IM'd me today after months and months (maybe more than a year?) of no contact. The first thing he said tonight was "love u", just like that, out of the blue. Well, he needed a friend tonight, so I went to give him a hug for a few minutes before he went to bed.

For some reason, after he went to bed, I opened his profile in the Notes tab and realized that he has the same birthday as Rocky. Here are two more coincidences: October2006 is four years younger than I, and Rocky is four years older than I. October2006 got my SLirginity; I got Rocky's SLirginity.


Second story: Yesterday, I was cleaning up my parcel in Amberaldus and I emailed Rapido to ask him to come and pick up his objects, since I'm thinking of selling that parcel. I haven't seen him since late October, although we've communicated briefly through offline messages and emails. The last email was more than a month ago.

Well, he *did* clean up but he left three heart-shaped prims and his email said "I love you so much" and he wants to come back but I'm asleep during the times he could come in. Anyway, I listened to his show today and he played "MacArthur Park" (which I associate with the Poet) then "Amigos Para Siempre" (which I associate with MAMJJ), two songs which I never heard him play before.


Lucky Bastard chatted with me in Yahoo and in email. Surf came in once. And December2006 poked me (again) in Facebook. I told him that, because we keep poking back and forth, it's almost like the other kind of poking, except it's in very slow motion. *grins*


Three current lovers and three very friendly ex's.... A little bit here, a little bit there, and I had a full meal of loves this week. :)

*burps*

Transience

I am standing in front of my store at the Sea of Mer sim at the Fantasy Faire. I had just finished running the entire loop through eight sims. In a sense, that run was a practice run for the actual relay in July.

But practice wasn't the reason I ran tonight. Nor the reason I came here again tonight.

We don't have to clean up our stores since Linden Lab would just delete everything anyway when they clean the servers. That's not what I came here for either. I came here because I feel this unexplainable deep sadness about all this going away.

I've always been a sentimental sap. I own parcels and builds of friends who are no longer in SL. I've preserved my first 512 sqm with the same objects that I created in my first week in SL.

But these sims have only been here for barely two weeks. How could I have gotten attached so quickly?