Maybe it was out of spite because "6-Minute Dancer" didn't come in at 7pm that evening as he said he would. But I took Alt #11 out again and met someone new again.
It was already past midnight when he finally got the courage to IM me. He said he was waiting for the other guy who was standing next to me to leave. Like "6-Minute", he remarked about the comment I had in my 1st Life tab. At the start of the conversation, he was chatting as though we were buddies, but, towards the end, his tone had changed.
"I have met a lot of people in SL," he said. "You take the cake."
I was explaining why I have multiple alts and he said I was complicated. We talked about a lot of things. He was reluctant to reveal much about him so soon. So I did most of the talking. We talked about my lovers, about my work in SL.
"Ever considered living in an igloo?" he asked out of the blue.
By the end of the dance, we kinda had an understanding that he would be one of my lovers and that we would buy an igloo to live in.
"Surf" is not really a new friend. I met him almost a year ago, while updating my vendors and paying rent at Surf Camp. He was very new. Somehow, he offended me with something he said. To apologize, he bought a bikini set from me. But since it wasn't transferable, he essentially lost his money. But he was a good enough sport and offered to put it on. His arrogance turned me off.
However, since then, every time he saw me, he would say that mine was still the best avie he had ever seen in SL.
Then a few months ago, he said, "You are very complex and I want to consume you." Well, I didn't want to be consumed, so there'd be nothing left of me, so I avoided him.
When I first met him, he was about to have surgery. And now that I've had one, although a different one, it feels as though we now have something that binds us. I suppose I've softened towards him. And suddenly, he pulls back. In spite of all the chasing he had been doing, now that I turn around and pay attention, he is suddenly scared. I told him that I think he's afraid of me because he knows that an experience with me would transform him. And yet, he can't stay away.
"It's like you have kryptonite and I am Superman," he said.
Well, he'd be one of the lovers I'd ravish at the end of my fast.
So, what's wrong?
Five lovers. The Captain, the Lucky Bastard, the 6-Minute Dancer, the Igloo, and the Surf. Except for the Igloo which was a more casual feel to it, the other four have strong emotions involved. Too strong. And I have no outlet.
I'm having a spat with 6-Minute Dancer and I'm not handling it well. It feels like a break-up and I have this urge to crawl under a rock and die. To begin with, my intuition screams for me to run away from him anyway, just like I felt after the first kiss, because he would break my heart. But, at the same time, I know that, if I left now, I would be the young monk and carry him around for a long time.
I am overwhelmed. All these strong emotions that I feel for each of them overwhelms me. I am losing my balance.
So I'm thinking of being a hermit again. At least until my fast is over. But I don't know. I have made too many commitments to just disappear. I'll have to think this through. I just know I need to get centered.