Love, Like the Main Entree

"Hehe, I like your words about paranoia and alt"

Those were Wolfgang's first words to me on 2012 March 6 at 14:50:11 SLT.

In the early months of 2012, I was getting ready to publish my book "Love, Like Dim Sum". Then I realized that I actually didn't have enough experience with BDSM, which was and still is widespread in SL. So I joined a capture roleplaying group. With a new alt, of course.

A few days before I met Wolfgang, I met someone else in that group who wanted to meet my main alt before he would interact with me. Right off the bat. Hell, no! So I wrote about that experience in my alt's profile. And that was what Wolfgang was commented about.

In the capture roleplay, the males were the predators who were hunting the females. (Yes, sexist, I know.) The predators used a bow-and-arrow weapons system that reduced the female's "health" whenever she was hit by an arrow. When it gets down to 0% or close to it, she is considered captured. Wolfgang claimed that he wasn't really good with the weapons system that the sim was using. But he claimed he was very good with roleplaying. Okay, I said, I could do roleplay too. I already knew that roleplayers made better lovers because of their creativity and language skills. But could this non-native speaker of English be a decent roleplayer?

Surprisingly, he is.

We had to roleplay by email because my father had a health scare and I had to drive from Seattle to San Francisco. During my drive, the world seemed very different; everything felt magical. Many times, I thought that something I passed looked like a forest in our imaginary roleplay world. My imaginary world and my real world were blending into each other like they never had before.

In the capture sim, if the prey (female) is caught, she must have sex with the predator (male) who caught her. So, after a week, I decided that it was time to let him "catch" me. The moment that he tied the leash after my capture, it felt like the most sacred part of a church wedding ceremony, ironically as profane as the roleplay was. I felt a very unusual tenderness and care from him that day and the next.

After that RP, I thought we would move on to play with others. Our chase was done after all. But he proposed that we continue meeting out-of-character.

At that time, we were both polyamorous. He had five lovers, including me; I had four lovers, including him. Slowly, through the following years, his four other lovers and my three other lovers faded away.

The past ten years were not easy, especially the early years. We argued a lot. He broke my heart many times; I broke up with him twice.

Third time's a charm, they say. But I think, by the third time, you give up all your hopes and expectations and just let the relationship be what it is. That's when you realize there are diamonds in the relationship that you never expected, because you were expecting something else.

Through private roleplays with each other, we've explored many types of pairings. I get bored easily and he enjoys the variety that we come up with. Although he initially pushes back on my ideas, he eventually agrees I was right. (My response: I'm always right! ;) ) And when he expresses a wish, it becomes my command, even if he says I don't have to do it.

Once, he promised that he would never abandon me, no matter what happens between us. And he kept his word through our break-ups.

He said he cherishes me. He never said he loved me.

I know many things about him, his family, his friends, his work, his life. I still don't know his last name. I could easily find him, but I choose to respect his wish.

Two of my past SL relationships lasted almost a year. I was amazed when my relationship with Wolfgang lasted two. Then five. Then ten. There's still no guarantee that there'll be an 11th anniversary.

Last December, in real life, I met up with some cousins, one of whom stayed with me in my hotel. In the middle of the night, she woke up to a vision. She said that she saw a man at the edge of my bed and I was caring for him, wiping and caressing his face. She remembered his face from the vision vividly. She thought that I couldn't possibly have a man in the room with us, so she went back to sleep.

The next morning, she told me about her vision.

I hardly talk about my SL relationships with my family, because the concept of SL is already foreign to them. But, after she told me about her vision, I peppered her with questions about what the man looked like. Then I showed her Wolfgang's RL pic. Her reaction was priceless. She recognized him right away as the man on my bed in her vision.

There is something magical here. In more ways than one.