Because I am who I am

He just left ten minutes ago. 6-minute dancer. I'm still stunned.

I had made him my primary after that 15-hour session. Then we dropped the ball. We both did. Today, we admitted it wouldn't work.

My reason was that he couldn't give me enough time. His reason was that he was "a little bit more old fashioned and traditional when it comes to relationships." Once upon a time, so was I.

But I had felt too much pain and endured too much heartache. My current lovestyle is how I control the pain and the heartache. I diversified to reduce the risk.

Sure, I lost the chance to delve deep into a relationship. But I never had much of that chance in the past anyway. So, who's to say I lost anything?

But the emotions still run deep. Oh, God, how deep they run! The pain remains, the heartaches still come, but the only difference is that I have someone else to catch me, instead of splintering into pieces alone like I used to every time a lover left.

Could I go back to who I was? Would I go back to who I was? He doesn't think I could because he couldn't meet my needs. I think that he couldn't meet my needs because he doesn't love me.

So my heart breaks. Because I am who I am.