Thirteen

Again, August proves to be life-changing. Real life has a big influence this time. My mother passed away on August 11 this year.

Caring for her was a big part of my life in the past seven and a half years. And now, that responsibility has been lifted from my shoulders.

I've been alone before, but now the aloneness feels different. In the past, it always felt like an adventure, an assertion of my independence. This time, I'm not sure how it feels. At least, not yet.

It feels quiet. It feels peaceful. It feels like I could breathe again. It feels zen-like. I am more in the moment. I have more patience about the few minutes that it takes to do something simple and mundane. I stopped rushing.

I've spent less and less time in Second Life the past few years because of the real-life demands on my time, including my own health and job issues. I still don't have the luxury of time as I did when I first started SL, but now I have a little bit more. But is that enough?

A dear friend said that life doesn't have meaning. I know that. Life inherently doesn't have meaning, so we must individually give it meaning. I lost the meaning in my real life many years ago. And I think I've lost the meaning in my Second Life too.

But I'm still here. In a new phase of my life. Undefined. Uncertain.

In search for new meaning.