The break-up with 6-Minute Dancer stunned me in a way that was very unexpected, and what he said made me rethink my lovestyle.
Two lovers have consoled me since, two others have distracted me with fun conversations, and one other has sent me hugs and kisses. And I remember again why I chose this lovestyle.
I don't have to ask for more than each of them is willing to give. I don't empty their cups with my needs. That allows me to keep my independence, and them to keep theirs. We avoid co-dependency. Therefore, we know that, when we get together, we get together willingly, because we enjoy each other's company, not because we are obligated to be there.
There are times when I wish for more time with them. But when I miss one of them, it's not a generic emotion; I miss that specific lover. None of them is replaceable. Each of them is different. And that diversity in personality enriches my life. How could I give up that richness?
6-Minute Dancer is wrong. It's not that I can not be exclusive; it's that I do not want to be. Traditionalists may think that I'm being selfish, because I go for what I need. I would have thought so in the past, but, these days, I disagree. I share myself with more lovers than I would have in an exclusive relationship. At the same time, I allow my lovers to share themselves with others and to enjoy others. From that perspective, I think it is exclusivity that is actually a selfish act.
Being polyamorous doesn't mean I take on anyone who's available. In fact, as accepting as I am of people, I am very discriminating with lovers. The better ones stay with me longer, because I actively seek out their company, just as they seek out mine.
It was silly to grieve for losing 6-Minute Dancer; he wasn't right for me for several reasons. But that incident made me appreciate how incredibly lucky I am to have these lovers around me when I needed them, even though one of them waited almost a year before I considered him a lover and even though another hadn't been my lover for almost two years. Now, that is overwhelming.
I am immensely blessed.