In hiatus

I will be hiding out for a while.

I'll still take care of customers, and I'll still log in to work.

But after today, I will be out of the social scene. Any attempts to start a social conversation will be ignored. I need this for my sanity.

Please don't be the one to drive me to kill myself, literally, because you won't leave me alone. Whatever you need -- a shoulder to cry on, wit to make you laugh, an ear to bend, a hand to help, *someone* to help, assurances for your own insecurities, a hug, attention, Linden dollars, voluntary work, whatever -- please ask someone else.

My cup is empty.

You don't own your beauty

I met Black more than two years ago through my RL alt. We've chatted many times about business in SL, about roleplaying, about real life. When I focused on Opal, he and I rarely caught each other online, so we hadn't talked for a long while. Then late last month, he logged in while I was in that alt.

That night, the flirting got really intense. And since I had been offering long-time friends the chance to know my RL, I did the reverse with Black. I offered him the chance to know my main alt, which is Opal. (I also wanted to move the flirting away from my RL business alt.)

Even after knowing Opal for almost a month now, he still thinks my RL alt (which is the least attractive of all my female alts) is sexier.

I said, "I work hard to make this avie pretty and you prefer the least attractive avie."

He replied, "Beauty is [like] reputation. ... You don't own it. ... Others do. ... Others own your 'beauty'."

*sigh* I'm spending hundreds of thousands of Lindens and countless hours on something others own. That's just not fair....

Back from the sea

My Captain is back. :D

I got a new hug HUD from Meike, the one with the jump hug, just so I could jump him when he got back. And I did. :D He gave me a present too -- a bouquet of roses and gardenias. This time, he got it with Transfer permissions. :D

We spent a bit of time together, just talking. There was a little awkwardness -- so much to say and not knowing where to begin. So we talked about his daughter, about his vacation, about traditions in his culture.

While he was gone, we were in communication by email but only occasionally. When I asked him in email if he wanted to know my RL, he said yes, so we exchanged information. Today, I asked him if he still felt the same way after knowing my RL, he said yes.

And I learned more about him. Today, I saw another side of him and it amazes me. Here is a man of paradoxes. I have seen his tender side, his caring side, his intellectual side. Today, I saw his strength, his masculinity, his physical side. And that endears him more to me.

I have seen other men in his absence, as he allows me to, but he is my anchor. And while he was gone, I felt as though I was standing on one foot, unsure, teetering. Now, he's back and I'm on solid ground again.

Three

Yesterday was my third rez day. It was a quiet day. I had too many things going on irl that I didn't have time to make plans for a celebration.

But, as I did in the past, I made a gift for friends -- a custom version of the "Etched in Stone" jewelry sets. I wish I had more time to create something entirely new. Ah, well, maybe next year.

Again, August proves to be a significant month in my SL. The most important change this year is the fact that I went to SLCC, which prompted me to decide to reveal my RL identity to friends. That already had a significant impact in my life and I'm sure it will make a big difference in my friendships and romantic relationships in the coming year.

I am also starting a new venture in my RL alt that bridges SL and RL, and we'll see how that goes. I also just moved residences irl, so maybe August is starting to affect my RL as well.

Here's a toast to my friends for another great year.

I'm sailing right behind

On Sunday afternoon, the Captain returned to leave me a message. I had missed him by only a few minutes.

Since I last wrote about him, he had been back a few times. His mother was getting better at one point, then suddenly her condition took a turn for the worse. And then last Friday night, she passed on.

He said he needed time alone, but he promises to be back.

Sometimes, you want to hold a loved one in your arms and you can't, because they're not logged in and you cannot go to them. And all you can do is hold them in your thoughts and hope that they feel that support and love anyway.

"... if you need a friend, I'm sailing right behind ..."

I'm coming out

Im Coming Out - Diana Ross

There's a reason I hadn't been inworld much the past several days: I was at SLCC. I didn't register as Opal, of course. I registered as my RL-associated alt.

But I met so many friends of Opal -- long-time friends -- that I had to go and introduce myself. And the reaction I got was amazing. After they read my name tag (which had my alt's name), people were friendly and shook my hand. But after they find out that I'm Opal, faces lit up and arms automatically opened wide for a hug. So, by Saturday evening, I decided Opal won't be anonymous anymore.

I won't advertise my RL identity like I do with my alt, but it won't be a big secret anymore either.

So I'll be taking out this blurb that I have in my 1st Life tab, which is too bad because I get chuckles from people who read it:

For those who keep asking, my real life name is Jane. Yup! Previously married to John Q. Public. Since the divorce, I went back to using my maiden name, which is Doe. Now, stop asking silly questions.

So, if you wanna know, go ahead and ask the silly questions.

Another goodbye... and a "Hello again"

A dear friend of my RP alt sent out a notecard today that he'll be leaving SL to heal his RL. :( We didn't meet often but he's a catalyst in my RP alt's story. *sigh*

But, on a good note, an old flame returned to SL today. How old? He was one of my flavors of the month during my first six months in SL. But he's in a new alt, of course. His old alt was long gone.

I took him around to fix up his alt today and that brought back memories from when we first did that. Erm, naughty memories. LOL Well, he kinda looks like HiHo now. :D

We don't know if we'd pick up where we left off. It's been more than two and a half years and we're both different people now. But we decided we'll explore things and see how it goes.

At the very least he'll distract me from missing the Captain. *sigh*