The Impossible happened

"That will be impossible!!!" he laughed.

He was with Alt #6, my most anonymous alt at the time.  I was telling him of my policy to let people know if they meet me as another of my alts.  However, they have to be the ones who initiate a conversation.  I would not approach them.  In fact, I would try to avoid them.

That was when he said it would be impossible because he was shy and he was not likely to say hi to everyone near him.

Actually, it had happened once before.  Only once in my five years in SL.  I had met someone through Alt #6 first, then he IM'd me while I was in Alt #11.  So I had to tell him.  But Alt #11 is still mostly anonymous also.

This time, fate seems to be at work.

I only spent one night with The Impossible (I think I'll call him that).  There was something very unusual about that meeting.  Since my hysterectomy, my orgasms didn't feel as deep as they used to.  But that night, it was though I never had a hysterectomy.  Besides that, everything else was typical of my encounters.

He was open about himself.  I found out his marital status, his age, his birthday, and his job.  We talked about his chosen SL name.

We agreed to meet the next day, but I was two hours late and he had to go.  We agreed on a time for the next day, but he didn't show up.  The day after, I saw him log in, I said "hi," he didn't respond, and he logged off.  I figured that was it.

The next time we communicated was just before Valentine's Day, exactly a month after the last communication.  I decided to clean out my friends list in Alt #6 because I wasn't supposed to have friends there anyway to avoid emotional attachments.  But before I deleted some lovers, I sent them an IM first to explain why.

The Impossible replied in an offline message and said that he understood my reasons.  He wished me the best and he reminded me of my promise to say hi if he meets my other alts in the future.  He added, "It was a great pleasure meeting you, and I really hope to see you again and talk a little."  It was a very heartwarming sentiment but I thought it was very unlikely we would meet again.

That was two weeks ago.

Sometime last year, my real-life friend Dianne invited me to Google+.  Since I limit my real-life Facebook and LinkedIn to family, friends and colleagues, I decided to use G+ for my social networking.  You know, ... when you have people in your friends list whom you don't really know except what they post on their walls.

I found someone who had shared a public circle of SL personas.  So I circled those people.  For a while, I was getting circled more than I can manage.  Then it eventually slowed down because I didn't log in much anymore.

So, when I saw the only circle notification for today, I was shocked.  Stunned really.  It was The Impossible, as his Second Life persona, adding my real-life account to his circles.

I IM'd him in SL and asked how he found me in G+. He admitted that I was in his real-life account's SL circle and he circled those people in his SL persona's account too.  We decided to meet for a chat in SL, which we did this afternoon.

I told him we had met before; he was surprised that I knew so much about him.  I told him that I made a promise; he said only one person made that promise to him.  He remembered the experience, but he couldn't remember Alt #6's name or the place where we met.  It took him an hour and a lot of clues from me.

But just imagine the odds of that.  It's mind-boggling.  It's like winning the lottery.

I met him through my most anonymous alt.  Two weeks after I removed him from that friends list, he circled my RL in Google+, using his SL persona.  He realized that he had me circled in his RL account, but I didn't circle him back.  But I couldn't find his name in my notifications.  Eventually, he just gave me his RL name because G+ wasn't delivering his messages to me.

It was as though fate didn't want him off my friends list.  And he said that today felt just like it did when we first met.

I'm still stunned.

Kissing sleeping beauties

"This is like a time capsule," he said.  He was talking about his alt.  The one that partnered with my alt three years ago.

We decided to wake up those alts and go dancing to celebrate our anniversary.  "Why didn't we think of this before?" he asked.

I took time earlier today to update Alt #9 and his alt.  Thankfully, the skins we had still looked good, and an overhaul of the shapes made them look very different and pretty updated.  However, I got my alt a new gown (very cheap) and new hair from Truth (not so cheap).  I updated his alt's shape and got him a freebie hair from KMadd and freebie eyes from Amacci.  There was no point spending money on alts we were gonna use a few hours a year.

I hadn't even seen his main alt or any of his alts since last August.  We usually communicated by disembodied IMs or by email.  And even then, very rarely.  He is in another SL relationship and we are both very busy, so there was hardly any time to chat or even to get together.

But today was special.

He picked a jazz club and I met him there after relogging.  I was nervous.  I was giddy.  It was a strange feeling.

Since we partnered and put our alts to sleep, we hadn't really been with each other as those alts.  In our main alts, we were just very good friends.  Suddenly, there we were -- virtual husband and wife.  Since that was the only SL partnership I've ever done, it felt very very strange.

When we walked into the club, the hostess welcomed us and called us "Mr and Mrs" and his last name.  That, too, was strange.  Neither of us wore a group tag that indicated we were partnered.  Neither of us had a display name.  We had different last names.  So she must have looked into one of our profiles to discover that we were partnered.

Then we had our first dance as husband and wife, three years late.

A few hours later, we were on Skype, still dancing at the club.  Then we had our ... ahem ... (very brief) honeymoon, also three years late, while still dancing at the club.

Then we chatted a bit more before finally saying goodnight and we put those alts back to sleep.

Till next year.  Sweet dreams.

Happy Valentine's Day

I think, this might be the one of the loneliest Valentine's Days in my life.

I've (finally) finished the first draft of the manuscript for "Love, Like Dim Sum."  I'm doing some preliminary editing and fleshing out of sections that are too sparse.  Then, next week, it will go to a professional editor.

Usually, I have a lot of things that are keeping me busy and distracted.  But not this time.  It's mostly the book.  And the problem is that I'm needing a lot of self-soothing specifically because of the book.  I've been going back to old chat logs as I do my research, and the memories flood back.  Ergo, the self-soothing.

I miss the old days, the more innocent days of SL.  Isn't that funny?  We reminisce about old days in SL, just like we reminisce about old days in real life.

Today, the eve of Valentine's Day, I miss everyone I have ever loved.  Today, I am acutely aware of how much I love each of them.  Today, I wish I could wrap my arms around them all and squeeze them tight.  Even the ones who know me only through my alts.  Even the ones who only briefly touched my life.  Today, I wish I could hug the world.

Homesick for no where, no when, no whom

In January 2004, I wrote this in my real-life blog:

Once in a while, I'd yearn for places that I've once called home. But they are no longer there. The physical places are still there, but they are changed somehow. Or perhaps I am changed somehow. Home is not a place; it is the atmosphere of the place, its ambience, its essence. It may even be a character, a way of being, a state of mind. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder; home is in the eye of the homesick.

Sometimes, I even miss places that I have never been to. Places that only exist in my mind. Places created when I read a book.

I missed one such place a long time ago. The book was "Legend of Lost Earth" by G. McDonald Wallis. It's one of those pocketbooks that had a second novel in the back. I read it in my late teens from my mom's bookcase. Years later, after I had gotten married and moved a continent away, I started missing that place described in the book, the characters, their emotions, their struggles. There was a hole in my heart for that place. At the time, I couldn't even remember the name of the book so I couldn't ask my mom to send it. Then one time, after I moved back near her, she sorted some books to give away, and this book was on that pile. You can't imagine the joy I had on finding it again! It was like getting reunited with a dear old friend.

I feel that homesickness again.  I've felt it many times before, each time just as strongly.  But it isn't homesickness for the book.  It's not a homesickness for a place.  It's not a homesickness for anyone.  It's not even a homesickness for a time in the past.  It's a homesickness for everything in the past.

A few days ago, I found out that both Spaceport Alpha and Spaceport Bravo, sims of the International Spaceflight Museum, are gone.  I contacted Paradox Olbers to confirm that the sims were really gone. He said they were working on it, but it doesn't look good.

About 80% of the places in Second Life that held memories for me are gone.  About 95% of the people in Second Life that meant something to me are gone.

Maybe it's because I had to let Holstein go yesterday.  He had reconciled with his real-life long-term partner the previous night.

Maybe it's because I'm sifting through old chat logs for the book and remembering past loves.  It's all a blur now.  Memories are blending into each other.

I don't know what I want anymore.  I don't know what place I'm homesick for anymore.  I don't know which lover I'm missing anymore.

The ache I feel is for all of them.  It hurts like hell.

And my heart is weary.