"you complete me and i really need you"
That's what Impy said today. He had been very busy this week that he hardly had time even for emails. Yesterday, I had to initiate the email threads twice. Today, no emails waited for me when I woke up.
I figured he was fading away. Real life was pulling him away. That's how most of my relationships end. I was expecting the worst. My heart was breaking.
But he came in this afternoon and, even though he couldn't stay long, our conversation was very heartwarming. He reassured me that he wasn't fading away; RL was just really busy.
I told him what I needed to feel reassured, but I didn't want him to make any promises. I told him how I felt, but I didn't want him to apologize.
He said he understood my insecurity, because he felt the same way only a couple of weeks ago. It was around the time I was arguing with Wolfgang. I assumed it was just because I was preoccupied. And, when I'm hurting, I tend to withdraw emotionally from everybody. I knew that he reads my blog, so he knew what was going on with my other affairs, but I didn't realize that he was also affected by it.
Honestly, I am overwhelmed. The man fills my cup to overflowing.
This weekend, Wolfgang was also preoccupied with a real-life friend who was going through a very rough spot. But our relationship is more stable this past week.
The next time we met after he re-leashed me, I knelt as I thought he expected me to. But he stopped the animation and said that there was no need to kneel. Even though we are using the collar and leash, he reiterated that our relationship is not BDSM. He still asks if I want the leash before he puts it on.
The collar and leash are our only symbols of belonging to each other, because we're worried that his ex-friend is still watching Alt#27's profile, so we're not putting anything about each other in our profiles.
Something strange happened last Thursday though. He suddenly said that I could take advantage of his body for 45 minutes before he had to focus on work. Then he got naked. And suddenly, I felt this nervousness, this shyness. Of course, he was amused that I was "blushing" and "paralyzed" (his own words). So, I ended up not taking advantage of his body because I was too nervous.
It's not that I was naked in front of him, because I was used to being naked with him in various degrees of nakedness. It's not that we hadn't made love for a very long time, because it really wasn't that long. He thinks it's because I was wearing the collar and leash outside RP, so there's more realness to our intimacy now.
Meanwhile, Rapido is coming into SL again. I still rarely see him though. On his Sunday show, he greeted me on the air again as usual, but this time, he added, "My god! The most beautiful..." Then he continued the rest of his sentence in Spanish. This was the man who wanted my avie to be "gordita," just like I am in real life, so that comment was confusing, but it felt nice anyway.
Lucky Bastard also came in briefly after a very long absence from SL. I was in the middle of filming for an ad and I couldn't move my cam or my avatar, so we just had a brief conversation about technical stuff in IM.
Two short respites during an emotionally difficult weekend. Even though the "difficulty" is all because of my own insecurities. :)