Stronger medicine

I met him at Frank's. He saw me standing alone upstairs on the balcony, the only one to notice me that night. I had checked out his profile before he pinged me. His About was intriguing, but something in his Picks was disappointing -- he is into BDSM. Firmly.

I respect people's lifestyle choices, but I have always known that BDSM and Gor are not for me. I don't make a good submissive nor a good mistress. Nor do I want to. I am much too independent.

He asked for a dance and I agreed anyway. It was just a dance after all. He himself figured out that I'm "independent and strong" and yet he wanted me to submit to him. After I said I was certain that it wasn't what I needed, he stood up. He said that he misread me and that I had steep walls. Then he said goodnight. He went off to dance with someone else, while I continued to check out other profiles. A few minutes later, he IM'd me again, inviting me to his home for a dance.

I saw him again the next day and the next. Setting boundaries, arguing about them, defining ourselves. I told him I will never be his sub, nor his dom. He agreed that he will not try to control me, although he tries anyway. At the same time, he fights off my attempts to control him. I have not said "no" to anyone in SL as many times as I have to him in those two days.

I told him I don't need just another sexual lover; I told him I needed an emotional lover. He said he wanted me and he wanted to be my lover, sexually, emotionally, and intellectually. He said it in voice, while he was pleasuring me.

I don't know where this would end up or how long it would last. We're both still fighting over the reins. He wants to take my power; I think he had given his up to me and he doesn't realize it. I push him away and he hangs on. He claims he's not hanging on, that it is my strength that attracts him. Regardless, his persistence impresses me.

When I was chatting with mfpwtff about my last lover, he joked that I need someone who's "strong willed too". I laughed. But he might be right.

But maybe not the last lover; his will is no match to mine. Maybe I need stronger medicine. Like this new one.