We have been saying goodbye since early February. Coming and going. Wanting and rejecting. Fighting and making up. And with each goodbye, we get closer. Ironic that.
Tonight, we had another one of those quasi-goodbyes. Just as tender as the last one, but we decided not to prolong it; otherwise, we'd end up crying all night again and I might end up naked with a white veil again.
But this time, it feels better, the air is clearer. And I think it's partly because of the reason this time -- he'll be working on his marriage. His wife had committed to it and so he is committing to it. And I can't help but admire him for that.
So I step back. The friendship remains; we're not giving that up. But it will just be in the back burner, so I don't distract his efforts.
Surprisingly, I am truly happy. Because this means real-life happiness for him, not just a fantasy. And his happiness makes me happy. And, to top it off, the cricket is happy, because he's feeding the cricket now. So, no matter what happens after this, the cricket will forever be quiet with regards to him.
Up Where We Belong - Joe Cocker
I never really gave him a nickname in this blog. I *do* have a nickname for him that came out of a conversation a long time ago, and I've tacked it on, somewhat mysteriously, at the bottom of a previous post. But it's long and it's a secret, so it's in code -- "mfpwtff". Don't ask me what the other four letters are; that's a secret code too. :D
Update two hours later: If I am so happy, why is this pain here?