Sometimes, you think you're recovering nicely, then suddenly some random thing, some random phrase, some random piece of music sends you sobbing again. I probably should start packing the home I shared with Impy, but the pain is still too fresh for me to even go there.
Meanwhile, mfpwtff has been on email with me lately, asking me to review his personal ad profile and asking for my thoughts on things in his RL. We've always had a wonderful friendship. I relied on him for a hug and a chat on many occasions when I've been heartbroken. Now, it's my turn to be there for him as he gets back on his feet after his divorce. If only all my relationships end up like this, life would be good.
A close call
I haven't had much time for Rapido, nor he for me because he's going on a trip soon. We've been taking our alts out (Alt#31 and Rapido#2) and doing multiples. We've even tried to do a little bit of RP between ourselves. Of course, the focus is still on sex.
However, I had a bit of a scare once when we were at a public sex place. We were in a room in a castle when another couple came into the same room and used the bed. Rapido, thinking it would be more exciting to do multiple, asked the guy if they wanted to join us. The guy seemed to be all for it, but he said that his girl was too shy and would probably not agree. Whew!
I have this "rule" that if someone who knows me from one alt approaches another of my alts by accident, I would admit that they know me. I've only had to make good on that promise twice -- Impy was the second one.
And the guy that Rapido was inviting to join us in a foursome, well, ... he was once an admirer of Alt#11.
When Wolfgang found out that I lost Impy, he simply made a comment about how fast relationships don't last. That was it. We were just chatting about the state of his relationships and how many he had left.
Then, the other day, he came in outside his usual time, so I tp'd him for a hug. Then he said he had to say hello to one of his former subs, the same one who was jealous of my name in his profile. She had just logged in. So I released him from the hug, thinking that he had to tp away. But he didn't.
He remained there, with his LookAt crosshairs on Opal. He noticed that Opal has the same feet as Alt#27. I said, yes, but Alt#27 has the mesh version and Opal has the sculpt version.
"She is beautiful," he said, referring to Alt#27. "But I didn't lose hope to make you mine someday too."
That started a long conversation that is still unresolved. It wove in and out, as I tried to figure out exactly what he wanted.
He likes watching female-female scenarios. We tried it with one of his female alts, but it didn't feel right for me, so he aborted it, even though I was willing to go through it. I wondered if it would feel more comfortable if both females were my alts. He wasn't enthusiastic about the idea before, because he felt that I would still be doing something that I don't particularly enjoy.
But, now, he seems to be revisiting the idea.
I thought that if he just wanted a sex RP, I could use Alt#6. He refused. He said that she "belongs" to everybody and he doesn't want emotionless hard sex. "i prefer more intimate relationships," he said. I offered Alt#4, but he wants more than just RP. I offered other alts that I don't use, and he said he'd like all of them.
His idea was to resurrect my sleeping alts, because he never liked the idea of putting avatars to sleep. He puts so much of himself in his own alts, and he shivered at the idea that Alt#27 would be put to sleep if our relationship ended. He feels it's like real death. Of course, I objected that he shouldn't care what I do with her if he doesn't care about her anymore.
He said it was just a simple idea to pull my free alts into a "family." He agrees that Opal would be more complicated because Opal is no longer anonymous, although he somewhat expressed a preference for Opal because she is the most "me" of all my alts.
To be honest, the whole thing was a big surprise. He thinks it's no big deal. But it seems that his idea of where we are is different from my idea of where we are. I gave him the metaphor of a range from 0 to 10, where 0 means we are not involved, and 10 means we're married. It seemed like (and these are random numbers) he thinks we're at 3 and he wants to go to 4. Meanwhile, I think we're at 1, so it's a big jump from 1 to 4. So, to him, his idea wasn't a big request. But, to me, I'd have to rearrange my whole SL.
Last night, he logged in one of his female alts to give me a gift. He had bought some nylons for me through her. And, he started RPing as her, while I tried out the different colors. And the conversation was very eye-opening. Through the mask of a female alt, he spoke more freely. He noticed I was calmer too. And through that female alt, I gained a better understanding of a man who has been mostly a mystery to me.
And this past week, I'm beginning to see that we really are closer to "3" than to "1". And I'm beginning to understand what I really mean to him.