The real gift

2012/04/02

Alt #27: Did it give it to you?

Wolfgang: i had a message to accept

Alt #27: kk
Alt #27: Did you accept?

Wolfgang: yes
Wolfgang: it is a bracelet and necklace

Alt #27: Yes.

Wolfgang: with some word written
Wolfgang: :)

Alt #27: /me smiles.
Alt #27: But that's not the real gift.

Opal Lei: I am the real gift.

[a minute's pause]

Wolfgang: You look very beautiful "my real gift" :)

At the bottom of my last post, I said that I'd introduce him to Opal after a week. So I created a custom set of the Ms.O.Lei-ny "Etched in Stone" jewelry set to give to him when that time came.  On it, I "engraved" the title I gave him, but that title had become more a term of endearment.  I put the set in a dispenser that would give out the contents when touched by Alt #27, and I set that dispenser down in my store.

We were only supposed to meet for a short time that night because I had a doctor's appointment early the next day.  If I went to bed at 4am, I would have four hours of sleep.  He was trying to assure me that we would have other times to spend together, so it was alright if I left early to get some sleep.  And he also mentioned that he would be away from SL for a week or so, so he gave me his email address so we could communicate by email.

I didn't have an email address for Alt #27.  I never thought I'd need one for her, so I offered him the email address for Alt #6 (the first sex alt).  He said he would like to see that avie, so I logged her in and he liked her.  He noticed that she is short like Alt #27, and he wondered if I was short irl too, so we converted feet to meters and meters to feet.

Then he asked whether I used voice with Alt #6.  And webcam.  And how it went. I said that I think that webcam would ruin the fantasy because I'm not pretty.  He asked me bluntly how I defined "pretty."  He already knew how old I am.  And, early on, he guessed that I had weight problems, which he intuited based on my behavior.  I asked him if that ruined the fantasy for him.  He simply said, "No, it didn't."

That made up my mind.  So I took him to the Ms.O.Lei-ny store, clicked on the gift dispenser, and logged Opal in.

After he met Opal, I sent him to my home in Aglia while I logged both Opal and Alt #27 off and logged in Alt #11 (my social alt).  I also introduced him to Alt #4 (my original RP alt) and to Treasure.  Meanwhile, he introduced me to his two female alts which he uses for modeling at a friend's store and for additional RP characters.  (I had already met his main male alt.)  Towards the end, he was emoting silly "notes" to himself about which of my alts to seduce and what his chances were at succeeding with each one.

It was already after 5:30am when I finally went to bed.

The next day, he talked about changing our RP relationship into non-BDSM.  It was my turn to panic.  It felt as though I was losing him.

He didn't like the idea that he was the only one getting pleasure out of it.  He didn't like that my character (and I) was always tearful.  I knew that he was being extra gentle with me in the RP to avoid triggering that unpleasant feeling again when I watched my avatar kneeling with a leash.

Maybe, after reading my first blog entry about him, he realized where I really stood in regards to BDSM.  Or maybe he now sees me more fully as he met the other "sides" of me and he understands why the symbols of BDSM affect me more strongly than most people.

I told him that I was getting my own pleasure from other parts of the relationship, even if not the D/s parts.  But he still believed that I did things only to please him even if those things were uncomfortable for me.  I reminded him that he also does certain things only to please me.  He insisted that pleasing me pleases him, so I asked him why it couldn't be the same way from my side.

Once, he half-jokingly boasted that, as gamemaster, he had caused some female RPers to have nightmares.  And yet, he wouldn't allow me to do things that are uncomfortable.  So I teased him about it and said that he must really like me a lot, if he makes me an exception.  He laughed and said that wasn't nice.  I think I hit him below the belt with that comment.  But I won that part of the argument.  ;)

He reminded me that I raised the point that maybe it's not the BDSM aspect that made our connection strong as he thought.  I said that maybe it's just the combination of him and me, because we each have intense personalities.  He said that switching to a non-BDSM relationship would prove or disprove my theory.

My worry is that a non-BDSM relationship would bore him and he'd spend less time with me and more time with someone else who actually enjoys BDSM.  Like the Captain did.

Anyway, the current plan is to transition out of the current RP into a non-BDSM relationship.  I am reluctant, even though I asked for it first.  The whole situation feels shaky.

Maybe we just need a new metaphor to anchor the relationship on.  And I had already been thinking of one....

I don't see why he moves me.
He's a man.  He's just a man....