"if i would be married in SL..."

"if i would be married in SL with somebody ... for sure that will be with you ..."

I have issues. Everybody who knows me already knows that. The problem is that my issues conflict with each other. You see, I've had abandonment issues since I was a toddler. And after my divorce, I developed this long-term-commitment phobia. Pull. Push.

All I wanted to do was to give the Captain a gift, so, yesterday, I took him to the A.I.Friends store so he can pick out a kitten that looks like his RL cat.

Then, out of the blue, he asked me how SL pregnancy works because one of his friends mentioned that she and her boyfriend are gonna go through the SL pregnancy thing. So, I explained how it's done.

I offered to show him the pregnancy clinics and some prim babies. He declined saying that he is already a parent irl and he doesn't need it in SL. But he added that, if I wanted to, he would. I was touched.

Then as we continued talking about why women would go through that with a prim baby, he suddenly said, "if i would be married in SL with somebody ... for sure that will be with you ...". This time, I was stunned.

I was speechless. This was more serious than the pregnancy offer. And I was confused in more ways than one.

First confusion, he allows me to have other lovers and I see a partnership as being exclusive. I would have thought that he'd ask for exclusivity first.

Second, I love the man dearly. I adore him. I admire him. He is incredibly good to me. But I take partnerships very seriously, even if it's only in SL. The only time I partnered, it was only symbolic, because that partnership agreement was limited only to those alts and we promptly put those alts to sleep.

I think the cricket started chirping very loudly at that point and that added to the confusion in my head.

The Captain sensed that I was getting nervous about the whole discussion. So, he clarified that, no, he wasn't proposing. But I had a feeling that, even if he wasn't proposing then, he was testing the waters.

To tell the truth, if he really really wanted a partnership, I'd likely say yes anyway and deal with my own issues later.

*sigh*

/me prepares to wrestle with the cricket again.