The problem with guilt is that it does not coexist with joy. It cannot. But the joyfulness is part of who I am, part of the woman he fell in love with.
We had agreed that RL is more important. He had his commitments with his RL relationship. What I didn't realize was that my principles are part of my RL and deserve as much attention and respect. Sacrificing my integrity is too high a price to pay for a fantasy. No matter how wonderful that fantasy is.
So, last night, I set the cricket free and I set him free. The heart aches; the tears flow. But it was the right thing to do.
The same RL friend who had once given me good advice also said, "If there is a question, there is no question." If the cricket does its job well, the question "Do I burn in virtual hell or real hell?" will no longer arise.
There is no question. Not anymore.