Awimbawe, awimbawe, ... ten years later.

I logged in today to try out the new Bento mesh heads. I picked up the demos from Catwa and from Lelutka then went to my skyloft in Aglia to try them out.

I had already taken off all attachments (because I wanted to also see the body that came with the Lelutka demo), when I saw a familiar name in my radar.

Elliott Eldrich: entered the region (673.71 m).

Not long before that, I noticed an acquaintance log in. I met him in 2007 and I don't remember having talked to him since. But I didn't get a chance to say hi before he logged back out.

So, when I saw Elliott in my radar, I wondered if the planets were just exactly aligned that I'm encountering all these oldbies from my distant past.

Anyway, I IMd Elliott and reminded him how we met. I didn't think he'd remember me. Or maybe he just pretended that he did. ;)

Elliott is (at least, he was then) one of the well-known personalities in SL. I hardly know Elliott personally, but he's significant in my SL. He's one of the first few people that I met in SL. And I even talked about our first encounter in my book! Here's the excerpt (which I also sent to him in a notecard afterwards):

I continued exploring the world on my own when Soren wasn’t logged in. In one store, I discovered “freebies” (items given away for free), via a sign with a picture of a bee and the name “Free-Dee-Bee.” The sign gave me a folder with clothing, shoes, animations, and other things. I decided to try them out right there.
I was watching my avatar do a funky dance when a chat bubble appeared, asking if I found everything I needed. My avatar would have blushed if she could. I was embarrassed to be caught dancing by myself in the middle of a store –- and without music even! It took me a few seconds to stop the dance animation and turn around to look at the polite speaker.
What I saw seemed to be an anthropomorphous large cat standing on his hind legs like a human. He was well-dressed in a gentleman’s suit, complete with a pocket watch. I thought I had walked into a fairy tale. 
I learned that he owned the store, so I thanked him for the freebies. He said it was his partner’s idea to have the freebie “vendor” there. Then there was a lull in the conversation. I mean, what do you say to a cat? “So, did you trade in your boots?” Or, “How’s Grizabella doing these days?” Or, “Awimbawe, awimbawe, …” He must have noticed that I was unsure what to say next, so he excused himself to leave me to my new acquisitions. Then, he elegantly walked out of the door on the other side of the store, just like a real gentleman from the 1800s.

Tesoro, Lea. Love, Like Dim Sum (Kindle Locations 456-471). VirtuaSapient / Eleanor R Tesoro (Lea Tesoro). Kindle Edition. 

That cat was Elliott. I didn't use his name in the book because I couldn't reach him before I published the book.

Elliott in 2007 (Photo by Elliott Eldrich)

Elliott in 2016 (Photo by Elliott Eldrich)

Thankfully, I saved my outfit before taking things off, so I just took a few seconds to find the folder in my inventory and put the outfit back on. He TP'd me to the nearby train station, which I remembered he built. He said he was just checking on his build; that was why he was in the sim.

We had a lovely satisfying conversation, the kind that you can have only with someone who has been in SL as long as he has.

So, we had an impromptu reunion. After more than 10 years! I love coincidences like that. :D

At least, this time, I wasn't doing a funky dance in public without music. ;D

And, for a full hour, the cat didn't get my tongue. ;P

Awimbawe, awimbawe, ...


The gloomy and fog

the gloomy and fog about some things is so special that it has no sense to try to put precision and names on, when you wish to see things in their whole reality

That was his explanation about why he never said he loved me. We were in our first cuddle after two years. We communicated on email in the past few months. Almost daily. Usually more than once a day.

It was kinda my fault. I sent an email warning him that I'd be traveling to BeNeLux for a two-week holiday, so he could be sure to avoid those countries in case he was traveling too.

But he opened the door wider. Whenever I stopped responding, he'd email again. Whenever I replied angrily, he'd email again. In a lighter tone. As though he didn't know I was angry.

I carried my anger and my pain for much of those few months. I was cynical and sarcastic. Until one day when he was late sending me a reply. And I realized my day didn't feel right without an email from him when I woke up. It became a habit.

When I had a big argument with my mother and decided to move away, he understood. When my father passed away in late November, he understood. When I had a falling out with my sister, he understood. In the absence of a working computer, he was my only confidante and my only solace, because I could at least read email on my tablet (and later, my new phone).

In times of grief and sorrow and anger, I tend to pull away from everyone. But he emailed everyday. Like a fool who was unaware that I wanted to be alone. On the other hand, because he sent short emails, it didn't feel like an intrusion. And he knew just what to say. There was comfort, and even a sense of poetry, in his broken English.

When we finally met for a cuddle, I thought we could continue what we had in our emails. But he wanted more of the FF sexual relationship. I said no.

Our emails were based on reality. No RP. No personas. However, in SL, we were sliding back into the old RPs. And I couldn't stand that anymore. Why make the same sacrifices again? And for a man who couldn't say he loves me?

The pain returns. Almost as strongly as before.


Even though he agreed that we had discussed this topic more than enough in the past, he explains again anyway.
I never believe when someone tell me "i love you"
because for me the meanings of these words is mine
and i know it can't be true in my meaning
some people use that daily, even to their friends
some say to their different lovers
some to their dogs
feelings have their own meanings :) considered by every person

Maybe he's giving me more than what I ask for. Maybe I'm insisting on a specific wrapping when the offered gift is better than what usually comes with the wrapping I want. Maybe I'm asking him to stick a mundane label on something that is divinely indefinable.... So special.... The gloomy and fog.... The mystery.

Or maybe I'm just imagining what I wish to see.

And maybe the fool is in the mirror.


. . .

Happy holidays... whatever holiday you celebrate this season.