I've been to paradise, but ...

This confession may be a shock to some and not to others, depending how you met me and how well you know me. *grins*

Last month, I created a new alt. Purely for sex. Very isolated. Some friends know she exists, but nobody knows her name -- none of my friends (SL or RL) and none of my siblings. And I'm finding out that having a sex alt is not so rare anyway. Whew!

Anyway, Anna sends me this link to an article about sex addiction with a disclaimer that she's not saying I have the affliction but she's not saying I don't either. A quote: "'Female sex addicts crave intimacy,' [Don Serratt of Life Works] says. 'They’ll use sex and seduction to create that closeness with a guy — but, once they get it, they freak out and move on to the next one.'" (I'm not going to say how close to home that one hit.)

Then, I hear a song I haven't heard for a long time, and it sticks in my head. I loved this song when I first heard it on the radio in my early teens, but obviously it didn't apply to me then. This time, with this alt, the song feels like a warning.

"Took the hand of a preacher man and we made love in the sun... But I ran out of places and friendly faces because I had to be free... I've been to paradise, but ...."

"Sometimes I've been to crying for unborn children that might have made me complete... But I took the sweet life, I never knew I'd be bitter from the sweet... I've spent my life exploring the subtle whoring that costs too much to be free... Hey, lady, I've been to paradise, but ...."

Ironically, that same sex alt, who's supposed to only have one-night stands, has just fallen into a husband-and-wife RP. It started out as a joke, but it expanded from there. It *is* a warm and sweet RP, but that's exactly where the danger lies -- it melts my heart. And hearts melting turn into bonding, which is very risky in terms of emotions and anonymity.

/me frantically rebuilds emotional walls as they crumble around her.