Forgiveness, Part 1
Last Saturday, I got pissed at my brother-in-law, and my sister said I was mean in my email. But I felt justified for being mean. But I don't like being mean. The anger didn't go away, so I wondered what else was bothering me.
The last time I spoke with Wolfgang, I told him that I got bad luck the last two times I spoke with him. But I felt an inner push to at least wish him a happy birthday. So I did.
He was dancing with someone when I pinged him after a brief exchange in email. But he kept talking in IM, even after a number of times when I thought I already ended the conversation. There were very long pauses. I thought he was focusing on his dance partner, but in the end he said he already stopped dancing "a long time ago".
Of course, we argued. And I became really pissed when he misspelled Opal's name twice. He said he wasn't trying to provoke me. Then we talked about one of his alts, because I thought he was changing her character from sweet and tender to dominating and manipulative. For some reason, that hurt me. Like he was killing her. So I told him that.
He said if he was going to use her, it was inevitable that her character would change, because he doesn't think that aspect of him would come out with anyone else. Then after a pause, he asked me (I thought, tenderly, wistfully), "Do you want to see her?"
I said, "I don't know." I worried that the old emotions would just come back again. He understood.
Finally, I told him I had to go to try to get my OpenSim account ready. He came for a hug; then I left.
I felt much lighter.
It took a year for me to finally really forgive Impy. That forgiveness came when he held me in a cuddle when I was grieving about Wolfgang.
So I'm surprised that it didn't take that long to forgive Wolfgang.
But grief comes in waves. Maybe this is just one of the dips between the waves of pain and anger. Who knows?
Volunteer, Like Dim SumKat Lemieux, founder and head of the International Spaceflight Museum asked for volunteers to attend the Virtual Worlds Best Practices in Education conference. I said I'd go.
When I signed up, I also signed up to volunteer for the conference as camera operator for the presentations and as parcel manager at other times. So, I was double-volunteered. (Well, you know, ... Two birds with one stone.)
I saw many people there who are already in my friends list but I haven't talked to in ages! And I made more friends!
Forgiveness, Part 2Last year, I met someone at a friend's wedding. From the start, he already pissed me off because I thought he was rude to my friend. But, because he bought my book that same day, he became a customer, so I had to be polite.
Long story short, he pursued and I ran away.
Then I was surprised when I saw him again this week. I suppose it made sense for him to be there, but I was surprised anyway. Actually, I initially just thought that the name sounded vaguely familiar. But I was seeing so many vaguely familiar names throughout the week, so I didn't think much about it.
Then I suddenly remembered who it was.
I said hello. He was surprised I did, because he remembered our last conversation being "negative". I said that I just remembered feeling pressured. He apologized. I apologized. And that was that.
All in all, it's been an odd but nice week. Somehow, it feels like this week is life-changing in some way. I don't know how or why. But, for once, being around people felt really nice. Maybe because I was around people who energize me. And maybe because I've forgiven the people who didn't.