"You remind me of my mother."
He didn't intend it as a compliment. He was explaining why he was suddenly uncomfortable about the RL booty call.
The anticipation, the excitement, all gone within a few hours.
Suddenly I didn't feel desirable anymore. I was back to normal.
My first thought was pragmatic. There goes the reason for the meeting, so there was no point prolonging it. I couldn't change my ticket because it was non-refundable. He could get another room, but what was the point? So it would be better for him to just drive back home. It was the least expensive option.
But he felt guilt, which I didn't expect. He drove me to the hotel, I checked in, and we talked, while he held my hand in both of his.
He becomes a friend, like most of my exes. He understands I don't initiate conversations much and he's okay with that.
The only thing that we lose is the sex, he explained. But it felt like we lose much more than that, and I don't know why.
Then, today, on the flight back home, I had a paradigm shift. I realized that he had actually given me the best compliment a man could give.
Of course, it's subjective. It's a compliment, only if he adores his mother, and I sense that he does.
The deepest part of his psyche compared me to the most important woman in his life. And, by that comparison, he honored me.
I am no longer just another easy fuck. I've become something else. In game-speak, I guess I've leveled up. :)
And that was well worth the trip. I went for sex. Instead, I received something of much greater value.
Thank you, my kanna. You reminded me of my worth. For that, my gratitude is immeasurable.
Made love unseen,
Hundreds of miles between.
Moans on the wires
Stirring the fires
Crossed the threshold
As done by many so bold.
Mind formed a connection.
And, horror, his reaction.
Deep in his mind,
Silent for years with his father
Because of a past lover,
Then, the recognition
Of the new seduction --
Joy, so quickly, did wilt.
Passion turned into guilt.
Moans turned to cries,
For from her eyes,
Special to him was she,
Unexpectedly to that degree.
Too much positive
So, set free.
(PS: Just to be clear, I don't have children.)
Everyone is special - but not to everyone else. You're special to me because I see qualities I admire in you. Others have qualities too, but just not the ones I'm interested in.
Let's call him "Ansel". :)
My notes on his profile said that I met him briefly in 2013. Unfortunately, my 2013 logs for Alt#11 were not recovered by Seagate after my harddrive crash. But I got the impression that we probably didn't even dance. If we did, it was so brief that it was just another encounter.
Then in early March, when my month was starting to go crazy, he sent me an offline.
/me sends you a wave! Hello there - haven't seen you online in a while. Thought I'd let you know that I'm looking forward to chatting with you soon and even whisking you away for a dance or two ;)
We danced for 20 minutes. In those 20 minutes, we discovered real-life synchronicities between us. It's not that our lives mirrored each other exactly. But it was more like mirror fragments reflecting the same light back and forth in a zigzag path.
Later, I would also realize how similarly our minds work. And I thought, "OMG, is he my karma? Would he give me a taste of my own medicine?" :D
But, so far, he's been so refreshingly ... I'd say that again with emphasis ... so refreshingly different from many men I've met. He's too "normal". Well, okay, what someone abnormal as I am would consider "normal" is up for debate, but, still....
When I ask for something, he almost always agrees. Instantly. He doesn't even have to think about it.
I don't have to justify why. He thinks that the things I ask for are so trivial.
I've had lovers who would argue about it. Like when I ask them to create an alt just for me, it's like pulling teeth. So when Ansel instantly agrees, I am stunned. I don't know what to say then. Except thank you.
So, a week ago, we created exclusive alts.
In six days, I will meet him in real life.
He agreed to the 30-day thing, but we never brought it up again. We'll see how things go after our RL meeting.
There are other complications on his end, so I should actually hold back emotionally. But I'm also well aware that I'm not very good at that. In fact, holding back diminishes the experience, and it's the experience I'm after. I want to experience him.
My only complaint is ... Why does the SL sex taper off the closer it gets to the RL meeting?!?