"i don't like to not be 'special' for someone i have sex [with]"
That was Wolfgang in his typical indirect double-negative way, talking about Alt#6 a while ago.
I always knew that each relationship is different, because the pairing is different, particularly in open relationships. Each partner is different, so the dynamic is different.
However, in a world of cookie-cutter parts, we all tend to look alike and move alike. The differences are not in how our avatars look or move; the differences are in what we -- the puppeteers -- say and do.
Even with the admittedly large number of relationships I've had in SL, I've always tried to differentiate each lover. A different term of endearment, a different way of saying "I love you," a different "nest," a different shared activity. In that way, I make each one special, at least until the relationship ends.
One French lover used to say, "Bisou, bisou." Another French lover says, "Je t'embrasse." I called one Spanish lover "carinyo" and another "querido." With one lover, I shared a NY skyloft. With another, a tree house on a floating island. With another, an antique ship. With yet another, an ornate pavilion inside a globe with an elephant in the room, which he, of course, ignored. ;)
There are many ways to say "I love you" and there are many ways to express it wordlessly. And there are many ways to make a relationship special and unique. If you remember to differentiate.
During one serious argument with Wolfgang, I suggested that maybe we should just be friends, because I was afraid that we would violently argue one day and we'd lose contact entirely. To my surprise, my suggestion angered him even more. The reason was that he knows that I don't make an effort to maintain my friendships. I pretty much leave encounters to chance or the other person's efforts, and I don't stay for long conversations. (There's an unfortunate reason for that.) On the other hand, I would willingly lose sleep for a lover and I do.
In my earlier years in SL, the only difference between a friend and a lover was that I had sex with a lover. These days, there are many more differences, because, not only do I have to differentiate between a lover and friend, I also have to differentiate among my different lovers, past and present. It is how I honor my relationship with each of them. By keeping them unique in some way. By keeping them special.
That, however, does not guarantee that I remain special to them.
Like Wolfgang, I don't like to not be special in a lover's life. But, as he also often says, sometimes it is what it is.