To be special

"i don't like to not be 'special' for someone i have sex [with]"

That was Wolfgang in his typical indirect double-negative way, talking about Alt#6 a while ago.

I always knew that each relationship is different, because the pairing is different, particularly in open relationships. Each partner is different, so the dynamic is different.

However, in a world of cookie-cutter parts, we all tend to look alike and move alike.  The differences are not in how our avatars look or move; the differences are in what we -- the puppeteers -- say and do.

Where's Dim Sum? #036 - To be special

Even with the admittedly large number of relationships I've had in SL, I've always tried to differentiate each lover. A different term of endearment, a different way of saying "I love you," a different "nest," a different shared activity. In that way, I make each one special, at least until the relationship ends.

One French lover used to say, "Bisou, bisou."  Another French lover says, "Je t'embrasse."  I called one Spanish lover "carinyo" and another "querido."  With one lover, I shared a NY skyloft. With another, a tree house on a floating island.  With another, an antique ship.  With yet another, an ornate pavilion inside a globe with an elephant in the room, which he, of course, ignored.  ;)

There are many ways to say "I love you" and there are many ways to express it wordlessly.  And there are many ways to make a relationship special and unique.  If you remember to differentiate.

During one serious argument with Wolfgang, I suggested that maybe we should just be friends, because I was afraid that we would violently argue one day and we'd lose contact entirely.  To my surprise, my suggestion angered him even more.  The reason was that he knows that I don't make an effort to maintain my friendships.  I pretty much leave encounters to chance or the other person's efforts, and I don't stay for long conversations.  (There's an unfortunate reason for that.)  On the other hand, I would willingly lose sleep for a lover and I do.

In my earlier years in SL, the only difference between a friend and a lover was that I had sex with a lover.  These days, there are many more differences, because, not only do I have to differentiate between a lover and friend, I also have to differentiate among my different lovers, past and present.  It is how I honor my relationship with each of them.  By keeping them unique in some way.  By keeping them special.

That, however, does not guarantee that I remain special to them.

Like Wolfgang, I don't like to not be special in a lover's life.  But, as he also often says, sometimes it is what it is.